so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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