): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
