i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
is it fun? or sober?
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