I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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