i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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