It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
