I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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