I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
