sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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