I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
