you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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