first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
