im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
