If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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