i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
