Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It all started with a game of naked twister.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize