hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize