strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
