Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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