Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
