tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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