alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
