This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
