I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
