do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
