you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
