So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
