just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
