Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
