I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm really busy with my period
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