I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
