my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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