so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
