He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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