I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
