Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
