I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
