Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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