thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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