i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
