It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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