all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
honey bunches of taint.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
