I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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