That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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