so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
