maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Randomize
