I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
