I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he was CRYING into my vagina
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
