porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
