forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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