theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
