I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
