I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
