She just used a chaser for red wine.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
