dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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