I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
