Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
