Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
