i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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