I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
