Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
