I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
