Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
