I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
