At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
