Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
