soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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