Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
