Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
