You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
