you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
