I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
