What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
do nipples grow back?
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