You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
